The Jewish Bra

(from e-mail)
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A man walked into the women's department of Macy's in New York City .

He found a saleslady, and told her, "I would like a *Jewish bra* for my wife, size 34B.."

With a quizzical look the saleslady asked, "What kind of bra?"

He repeated "A *Jewish bra*. She said to tell you that she wanted a
*Jewish bra*, and that you would know what she means."

"Ah,
now I remember," said the saleslady. "We don't get as many requests
for them as we used to. Most of our customers lately want the
*Catholic bra*, or the *Salvation Army bra*, or the *Presbyterian
bra."*

Confused, and a
little flustered, the man asked "So, what are the differences?"
The saleslady responded: "It is all really quite simple.
The *Catholic bra* *supports the masses*.. The *Salvation Army bra* *lifts up the fallen*, and the *Presbyterian bra* *keeps them staunch and upright*.."

He mused on that information for a minute, and asked "So, what does the *Jewish
bra* do?"

The saleslady responded: "The *Jewish bra* *makes mountains out of molehills*."

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Ba-dum-ching!

Only in New Zealand!

Love this.

via ODT 

And this:

Last week a campaign by New Zealand Atheist Bus Campaign raised $20,000 in public donations to fund bus ads which read "There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life".

Now go enjoy life!

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Obama's godless Thanksgiving proclamation

Blag Hag
November 29, 2009 5:35 AM
by Jen

Obama's godless Thanksgiving proclamation

Every year once the President is done with the serious duty of pardoning a turkey, he addresses the country with a Thanksgiving proclamation. However, Obama's speech was a tad bit different than those in the past - he left out references to God. Well, not completely. His single reference to God was tucked inside of a George Washington quote:

Today, we recall President George Washington, who proclaimed our first national day of public thanksgiving to be observed "by acknowledging with grateful hearts the many and signal favors of Almighty God," and President Abraham Lincoln, who established our annual Thanksgiving Day to help mend a fractured Nation in the midst of civil war.

But those were George Washington's words, which were balanced with the practicality of Lincoln's quote. Obama himself didn't invoke a deity. When you compare this to some of the things Bush said during his last Thanksgiving proclamation, you can see the difference:

On this day, let us all give thanks to God who blessed our Nation's first days and who blesses us today. May He continue to guide and watch over our families and our country always.

We recognize that all of these blessings, and life itself, come not from the hand of man but from Almighty God....

Having arrived in the New World, these early settlers gave thanks to the Author of Life....

And as noted by Jill Stanek, "President Bush called the 1st celebrants "Pilgrims," Obama said they were "European settlers."" A subtle but significant difference.

Some nonbelievers don't care when Obama gives a shout to non-believers or simply leaves God out of his secular speeches, but I think it's important. If our President invokes God like belief is normal, required, and patriotic, it alienates the "Nones" of America. By simply keeping his Thanksgiving proclamation secular, Obama is making baby steps toward a more inclusive environment. Yes, there is certainly more I think he could be doing, but I'll take what I can get for now.

Jesus Venn Diagram

via Blag Hag

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Why God Needed iCal

'Coz god nearly forgot Noah and The Floating Zoo.

I don't blame god. A hundred and fifty days is a long time. I would've forgotten everything if I had 3 months of relative peace & quiet away from evil human beings.

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A¹. Noah and animals enter the Ark

B¹. Flood increases on the Earth

C¹. Mountains covered, all living things die

D¹.Waters cover the Earth

E. God "remembers" Noah, God's wind blows over the waters

D². Waters begin to recede

C²: Mountain-tops become visible, Ark rests on the mountains

B²: Flood recedes from the Earth

A²: Noah and animals leave the Ark

 

(source)

The World's First Floating Zoo

We'd only lived a couple of million years, and god had already decided we were irreversibly wicked by then?

God said.. "I am going to put an end to all people, for the earth is filled with violence.. I am surely going to destroy both them and the earth. So make yourself an ark of cypress wood; make rooms in it and coat it with pitch inside and out.
~Genesis 6:13-14

God was angry enough to send the world aflood; what about the state we are in now? Aren't we about a billion times more evil than we were pre-flood days? I say we deserve more than just a couple of tsunamis a year. Our sinful species ought to be completely and wholly eradicated, just like the good ol' days.


1) OK we all know the ark was 450ft x 75ft x 45ft. But seriously, was that big enough for all of earth's animals? Some are tiny but most are huge and need lots of running around space. I mean, have you ever been to a zoo?

And how did he build such a huge ark in such a short time? He only had 7 days for chrissake. And the man himself was 600-years-old!

2) How did Noah go about collecting all the animals and making sure they'd obediently go into the ark? If any of you watch Animal Planet, you'd know animals ain't that easy to handle, ma'am.

3) How were they fed & cared for? Or rather, how was the ark being cleaned of animal dung throughout the boat trip?

If the bible serves to sometimes act as a record of history, what is The Flood supposed to reflect, historically?

I can only guess this may have something to do with the ending of the ice age, where some animals may have travelled (on their own, no doubt) to safety just before their entire home turned into the Arctic Ocean. Have you watched Ice Age?

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How To Choose A Religion: The Flowchart

via holykaw

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